Adult Things I've Done Since March 22, 2015 So That You Don't Feel Worried About My Last Post:

1. Got a job. Won't tell you where, but it's a very legit job. The government takes out taxes and everything. I even have a dress code.
2. Drove on the freeway...all by myself. Only pulled over and cried once.
3. Ate at a restaurant whose name I couldn't pronounce.
4. Considered creating a 'Recipe' Pinterest board.
5. Actually did my homework. Before dinnertime, even.
6. Said 'things of that nature' in perfect context and meant it.
7. Realized I'd made/reconnected with several old friends and this isn't an adult thing but I'm still very proud.
8. Went an entire five days without television. This wasn't a lent thing. I was legitimately too busy.

Sometimes, you think you can conquer the world and sometimes you spend so much time in the school parking lot trying to tell yourself you can afford to ditch again that by the time you stop lying to yourself and go to class you're already five minutes late and that's a Saturday school anyway.

For the life of me I don't know how to roller blade or whistle or even put a fitted sheet on my bed but somehow I'm working two jobs, getting ready for AP exams, spending endless hours doing church stuff and always squeezing in Once Upon a Time Sunday nights at 8. You learn how to juggle it all because you have to, and once you get the hang of it, it's kind of fun.

So, here's to growing up and getting over it in hopes that one day we can afford bimonthly manicures and spotify premium.

A Journal Entry from March 22, 2015

i'm trying to be happy with who I am. but i'm reading nicki minaj articles instead of hamlet and i'm telling my friends to retweet a picture of my face that took me two hours to decide to post and i'm lying to my mom and it's getting easier to skip church and I just feel so yucky because I didn't have dinner and i'm thinking that maybe if I chop off my hair it'll take some of my emotional baggage with it. i'm so hungry I could puke. I want a friend. that's all I really want. come study Shakespeare with me. bring a pizza and let's crack it open, you know? I think i'm in love with the idea of someone I've never met and don't plan on ever meeting, and I think that's why i'm in love with them. they're not real. that's the best part. they don't exist any place else except my head, and that's where they'll stay: trapped, just like me. because I wake up every morning and I regret it. as the day goes on I lose a little bit of myself and by the time I crawl back into bed i'm thinking of all the things I didn't do, of all the time I've wasted, of all the people that aren't thinking about me and i'm biting my nails until they're sore and i'm trying to remember all the nice things people said to me, because there have been many, but they all blend together and nothing stands out because none of it ever meant anything to me. I never cared what anyone said because I never really cared about them and it turns out that I am in fact the cold, heartless bitch I claim to be. and people say it's easier, but let me tell you, it's not. God makes sure of that. the lack of emotion or feelings is so vast and endless that it hovers over my Grinch sized heart and with each feeling I've lost, the emptiness expands, and now I think I am jus a hollowed out teenage girl who hasn't lived enough of a life to sustain her through adulthood.

"Ghost of Corporate Future" --Regina Spektor

If you don't know who Regina Spektor is, you should. If you don't like her, that's okay. I will disagree, but I won't be angry.

"And people make you nervous,
You think the world is ending,
And everyone's features have somehow started blending,
And everything is plastic,
And everyone's sarcastic,
And all your food is frozen,
It needs to be defrosted.

Well maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee
And never ever watch the ten o clock news.
And maybe you should kiss someone nice,
Or lick a rock,
Or both.

Maybe you should cut your own hair,
Cause that can be so funny.
It doesn't cost any money.
And it always grows back,
Hair grows even after your dead.

And people are just people,
They shouldn't make you nervous.
The world is everlasting,
It's coming and it's going.
If you don't toss your plastic,
The streets won't be so plastic,
And if you kiss somebody,
Then both of you'll get practice."


So, here's to the kids who are using the steering wheel as a drum set and haven't eaten a home cooked meal in almost a month -- we're doing it.

growing pains

Because it's like nothing matters except for every single thing you do, and you're walking to class and you're keeping your head down and you're praying that you finally get to move seats because that guy that wears his big headphones around his neck every day but never listens to anything still hasn't realized that you don't need to be warned when the teacher walks by while you're on your phone because the teacher doesn't give a damn, and neither do you. And like Holden said, "All you do is study so you can learn enough to be smart enough to be able to buy a goddam Cadillac some day, and you have to keep making believe you give a damn if the football team loses." And then you go home and you do everything you can to make you feel like your life is completely different, like watching some stupid show that you can't get enough of, or stalking people you don't even know on the internet and you can't stop wondering what it would be like to be an entirely new person -- just for a day. Because you've been you for seventeen years and you're going to be you for eternity and it's just so damn boring living your life in that moment before you start the car or turn off your shower head. And every day you wake up and think maybe today will change my life forever and every night you go to sleep almost certain that it didn't. Because even though you have no plans for tomorrow, you still have to make time to think about applying to colleges, but since there's no one forcing you, and you have that big old bed to yourself and a totally different world at your fingertips you decide what's one more day? And you actually have a point, because even though they say you can't predict the future, you kind of can. And you know that it doesn't matter what you do today, because everything will still be there tomorrow, and you almost hate that, but in the end, you're grateful. It's just that nothing is the same and nothing will ever be the same except for you. And you can't wait until you're 21 and you're at least doing something that matters to you or to the rest of the world, and maybe you've made a friend or two, and maybe they like chocolate peanut butter milkshakes just as much as you, although you wouldn't count on it. Because your brother taught you how to make them, just like he taught you to be honest, and to say what you're thinking even if it will make you cry. And he always takes you on all the scary rollercoasters, because he always challenges you to be better, and only because he knows you're capable. And you miss him, and you miss going to Disneyland and you miss toilet papering and playing board games and you don't know where everyone went or when they left so now you're sitting in front of the tv, and sometimes, when you really miss them, you pretend like they're right there next to you, and you tell them the stories you know they'd love, and you sing all of their favorite songs and you have a really good time until you realize that you are what you've always been: a stage 5 clinger with a couple of dogs and a hankering for Big Gulps.

This is Literally Just Me Raving About my Favorite Movie that You've Probably Never Seen

Tonight was one of those nights where you watch While You Were Sleeping two times in a row because your babysitting job got cancelled and because it really is that good.

I mean I love everything about that movie and I don't have a favorite part but I do always think about how the day Lucy saves Peter's life is the same day he finally acknowledges her. And I can't stop wondering how many times he had slid his token under the window without so much as glancing in her direction, and how many times she watched him watch everything else.

I don't know I just think you should always acknowledge people. Maybe not for the usual reasons like they're going through a rough time or even because it's the right thing to do. Maybe we should just do it because what if they are secretly in love with us? I mean, I could tell you right now six different people I claim to be in love with but can't tell you anything about.

Even if Peter hadn't said Merry Christmas, Lucy still would have saved him and the story still would have unfolded the way it did. Except when she's standing at the altar admitting the truth to his family, she wouldn't have said "We hadn't even met until that day at the tracks."

And I like to think that coming full circle like that means something to the creators of the film, so it should mean something to me too, and it does.

All I'm saying is while you're dating Ashley Bartlet Bacon, you could be some Lucy's Peter Callaghan. And while you're Peter Callaghan's Lucy, you could be Lucy to Jack Callaghan too, so keep your eyes peeled and your smiles bright.

PSA

I'm not really sure how this happened but I only have one more year left in high school and I couldn't possibly be more ecstatic about it. In complete honesty, I feel zero nostalgia nor do I wish time would slow down. In fact, quite the opposite. I think about college and graduation and moving out and fun things all the time and I am scared out of my mind but in the best way.

I'm not really sure how this happened either but I'm starting out this year virtually friendless. I say this because it's true, not because I'm looking for pity. In fact, you shouldn't feel bad for me. Sure, I eat lunch in my car and I have no one to tell all my good jokes to, but I don't feel it's a very big loss at all. Ultimately, I simply lost interest. And that makes me think they never really had my interest in the first place. My teenage years are coming to a close and I love almost everyone I've met along the way but I'm also over all of them. It's a kind of senioritis that nobody talks about - when you outgrow the relationships that used to consume you entirely.

I feel it's very important to make it clear that although I may not have an immediate partner in every class and although I go to football games with my parents, I slay every single day at school. I pull into the senior parking lot blasting Piano Man with my windows down and laugh as people try not to stare. I cackle at the teacher's jokes and I wear whatever I want because I will not live my life for a bunch of kids who value their social status over their individuality. I see so many of them holding back because they're insecure over the fact that their best friend isn't sitting right next to them. I look at all the people pretending to be completely immersed in their phones because they were the first person at the lunch table. None of them have had the opportunity to wake up in the morning, and get dressed for themselves. Every day, they wait for someone else to tell them how cute or how funny they are, when they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves. I don't leave my house without telling myself that I love God and he loves me and that's why he made me way too cute for school. There is nothing more satisfying -- nothing more fulfilling -- than receiving validation from none other but yours truly.

All I'm saying is this -- once you discover how to make yourself happy, you are unstoppable.

So stop tweeting about it, drive yourself down to Trader Joe's, and buy your own damn flowers. Calm yourself down, cheer yourself up, be your own best friend. Don't wait for permission, and don't ever let your friends stop you from being who you want to be.

Most importantly, never apologize, look back, or think twice. The thoughts of self doubt will linger as long as you let them.

Dance to class. Sing to strangers. Read poetry during passing period and wear crocs everyday. I mean, for heaven's sake they're just people.

Teenager Stuff

My sister and my dog are both lying asleep next to me and I can't stop wondering about all of the things that make my life what it is. First of all I'm hungry, I want a bagel. I always want a bagel. Anyways, I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car that says: Take Care of Each Other. Which I love because I hate taking care of people and it's like a slap in the face, but in the best way. The irony in this post is that I know absolutely nothing about being a teenager at all. I've spent a lot of time with them and so far haven't liked what I've seen. I'm going through a mid life crisis at the age of 17 and if that doesn't give you a good sense of who I am then I don't know what will. Staying positive is harder than the twitter accounts say it is, especially when college is so impossible to get into and even more impossible to pay for and there's so much uncertainty in every single day that all I want to do is watch Castle and eat Mac n Cheese until it's all over and maybe even a little after that. Because it's like, people are only friends with people just to have friends, which is sad because I don't want to live my life that way. So I'm alone every day and it isn't all that bad because if you aren't afraid of being alone then there's not much else to be afraid of.

I never finished the Harry Potter series.

I stopped reading after book 4.


Also, I have a license.



I'm not happy about it.

A Homework Assignment That I Felt Was Bloggable

I have an amazing life. I am very fortunate to have all that I have without having to work too hard for it. I recognize that, and I am deeply grateful for it. However, this assignment was to look beyond that, and ponder some personal goals that I wish to accomplish in my lifetime.

I could sit here and list off exotic places I’d like to visit or people I’ve dreamed of meeting all day long. But truth be told, I do not have a well thought out bucket list. While I am a firm believer in setting and achieving goals, I think it’s most important to be present in life right now. It’s always good to have a plan, but since when do things turn out the way we expect them to?

With that being said, I did think about some major milestones I’d like to achieve. To be honest, the first thing that comes to mind is to meet Queen Latifah. As strange as it may sound, she has been an idol of mine for quite some time, and to actually see her would literally be a dream come true. Secondly, I plan on traveling as much as possible. I genuinely want to see the world. All of it. Specifically, India, Croatia, Israel, and Italy. I love geography, and I get excited every time I see a map. It’s absolutely astonishing to me that I am stuck here in my tiny corner of the world and there are so many places and people to see. Each country has different cultures and scenery and strengths. Each person has different stories and struggles and talents and maybe they’re looking at a map and wondering about everywhere else just like me. There is life outside of this suburban town, and nothing is more comforting to me.

Other than that, I think the rest of my goals are the simple things. I’d like to make my parents proud. I’d like to be able to find the good in others and in myself. I’d like to break all my bad habits, like biting my nails and oversleeping. I’d like to be able to forgive others and release all my bitterness. I’d like to make sure that I treat the AT&T workers and the grocery store clerks and telemarketers with respect and understanding (someone has to, right?).

Like I said, these are all small and maybe superficial requests on top of the life that I’ve already been blessed to have. My only main goal that I am absolutely determined to achieve is happiness. And I think, so far, I’m on the right track.

don't say i didn't warn you

Are you ever so aware of how terribly incorrigible you are that you can't help but laugh? Sometimes when I hear songs about people that have been wronged and are really pissed about it (i.e. Demi Lovato's "I Really Don't Care". Clearly, she really does care quite a bit.), I think about several people who could be listening to that song at precisely the same time. The only difference is that they're probably spitting the words and thinking about me and I'm quietly singing along and sort of giggling. Not that being cruel gives me joy, because it doesn't. I'm not evil. I've just learned to laugh at my flaws. Sometimes I say and do really awful things, even to people I like, without offering much more than a shrug in place of an apology. You know all those girls that always complain about 'I hate putting in 110%, and only getting like 20% back' first of all, that doesn't make any sense. Second of all, they probably don't like you and that's why you're getting some weird, irrational percentage. Anyways, I'm usually putting in the 20% except it's not because I don't like them. I do it to my friends all the time and some get touchy but most just get over it. I'm starting to laugh because I'm acting like I'm this huge hotshot that everyone wants to be their friend when the truth is that probably no one cares if I feel like hanging out with them or not. Regardless, if you want to be my friend then I guess you'll feel that way whether it's reciprocated or not, so by all means, try.

I dare you.

only as young as the minute is

before i begin, you should know that i am currently in an intense Lorde phase, hense the title, and probably several references throughout this post.
in 29 minutes, one of my best friends will be 17. she had been begging us all week to do something totally crazy on her last night of being 16. so naturally, we come up with the idea of playing clue because that game is as close as we'll get to anything scandalous. i decided that that wasn't enough because we're only as young as the minute is and what about when she's 61 and she's looking back thinking i can't believe i was in bed by 8:30 every night as a teenager (this is a real thing. once it hits nine o clock on a week night she cannot keep her eyes open) and all i wanted was for her to have something to chuckle about when she looks in the mirror and for the first time notices creases around her eyes. I wanted her to remember that she was young once and she loved it. So, we grabbed some blankets and a box of wheat thins and the four of us took off down the street, ignoring every complaint she had because this is adventure - and I knew she'd thank me later.
the road there was short and filled with made up scenarios about what would happen if we got chased down. this is what we decided:
1) i would fight them off because i am a 94 pound weight lifting champion that spends 100% of my free time breaking records at the gym.
and if that didn't work:
2) we run for our lives and have a damn good story to tell.

i spent the night sitting on a dark golf course with my best friends telling secrets and being young.

until the sprinkler's came on. all three of them bolted while i stayed behind and gathered up everyone's things (i don't think i will ever outgrow my turtle nickname) and by the time we reached the end of the hill we were crying with laughter because the sprinklers were going the opposite direction of where we were sitting and none of us, not even me, had a single drop of water on them. also, it was just like troy and gabriella in high school musical 2, except none of us are in love with a basketball star with self identity issues.

they thanked me.

we ended the night playing Never-Have-I-Ever (coca-cola, of course) and making fun of everyone we hate.

As the birthday girl was leaving, i asked her how she felt and she said afraid. "it's just so crazy to think that by this time next year, i could be in hawaii, at byu. or idaho. or even here."

i reminded her that she could also be in none of those places. who knows, maybe she'll be in heaven.
followed up with, "but at least we had tonight"

Often times when I think of my life fifteen years from now, I think of Jennifer Lopez in the Wedding Planner pre Matthew McConaughey. Coming home after a long day of making people happy to a perfectly well lit apartment - exactly how I left it. Everything in its place. I can't seem to shake the picture of her grabbing a step ladder so she could dust off all the places that no one will ever see, like the refridgerator or the tops of the windows, and then settling down to a nice tv dinner.

I could probably have my life exactly how it should be. But I don't want that. I want to be able to come home after a hard day and be pissed off because someone has been drawing on the walls again and the dishes still aren't done and I'm wishing that I was Jennifer Lopez in that opening scene and didn't have to worry about any of this. But I would worry. I would worry because a doctor who can't seem to comb his hair saved my shoe and I from getting flattened by a dumpster, and he's the reason I can only eat the brown m&m's even though his theory about them being the only ones that aren't artificially colored is completely incorrect. I would worry because even though I might want out at times, that's what I signed up for when I let the tops of the windowsills collect dust and ditched my lean cuisine for chicken nuggets.

But all of that seems so distant and foggy. The images come in segments like a dream, and I can't see faces, just the backs of people's heads and then I realize that the whole thing is just my imagination. I need to stop thinking about it and convince myself and everyone else that that's not what I want at all, in order to save face on the day that I'm 31 and wearing earth-tone blazers with all of my outfits. 

And I laugh and ask people why they would want to share their bed with someone for the rest of their life because every Harry Potter fan knows that the way to conquer your fears is to turn them into something funny. But sometimes I worry that even a Patronus charm might not fix me.

life in the fab lane (minus kimora lee simmons)

I'm back!

Okay so I never really left. But, you guys, my life is so boring. I did write something totally shameful before school started that was just a lot of pictures that I didn't think anyone cared about so I took it down. Which is totally against my policy, but it's my policy right?

If you're ever confused on here, sorry(not really). i'm not going to change anything, so either stumble through with me(because sometimes i confuse myself, too), or read something that actually makes sense. i'm not sure which is more frustrating. 

i don't really have a plan about what i'm writing as of right now, but i'm sure something will come to me. Because it's either this or do my math homework and I don't really see any competition there.

Math class isn't all boring. Sometimes I get bored of writing lyrics to whatever obnoxious tune is in my head all over my homework(I think one time instead of Shera Brady, I put 'Nicki Minaj I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up' as my name), I write letters to my future self. This is so much fun. I'll share some with you.

9/16/13
hey you.
how's life? guess what happened this morning. mom wouldn't let me drive to school again for the billionth time. i got mad, but i can never yell at her because i would feel bad and i end up crying when i'm not sad and we just can't have that. also, my socks have Biggie Smalls on them.

i'm wearing a shirt that says 'bad dreams are made of me' and mrs. ward told me it was really dark. i replied with 'i know. it's black.' she thought that was funny. i guess i do too, but i didn't mean for it to be.

can i just say: IF YOU ARE A BOY AND YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TOOL, WEAR A TANKTOP EVERY SINGLE DAY. I PROMISE YOU, IT WORKS.

9/24/13
i didn't do the math homework last night. i mostly spend my afternoons switching off between listening to the beach boys and crying(i do that a lot, can't say why). interspersed between those are feelings of guilt for not doing the homework, but that all goes away when i finally fall asleep. my favorite part of the day is when i've finished reading my scriptures and i put my pillow flat on the bed, lift up covers and slide through and then all at once my whole body collapses into the bed and i can literally feel all of my aches lifting out of my body and i can finally breathe. i think the emotional version of this feeling is when we are forgiven of something that we are not proud of.(add this to the list of reasons of why i love being mormon).
so it turns out i'm never going to college. since when did all my favorite schools cost 20,000 dollars more than what i wanted? whatever. i don't eat too good, so maybe i'll die before i graduate college and none of it will matter.

so am i like the single most dramatic teenager you've ever met? probably not. but that's the funny part. i wasn't planning on sharing this with you. but i did and so what?

this is my favorite part of being me/mary poppins - i never have to explain myself.

things that make me happy

on January 1, 2013, i started a 'happy jar'. i wrote down every single thing that made me happy everyday. it only lasted about a month and a half, but it was a really great month and a half. i took the jar down tonight because i was upset, and i was immediately overwhelmed at how blessed i am. i laughed, i cried, and i realized how much i really missed a few of people. it is absolutely astonishing how much things can change in just a matter of months. i picked out 69(i swear that was NOT on purpose.) of them that i feel mention people and things that have really shaped me and made me who i am. i left quite a few personal ones, but i saved these so that i could share them with all of you. they are all written on here exactly how i wrote them on the paper. many of them are repeated. i will also repeat them on here.

no order, just how i pulled them out.

1. dawn freaking conk
2. kelsey
3. tierra
4. my decision to celebrate chinese new year
5. BABYSITTING THE HUNTER'S
6. the scriptures
7. tanne randomly buying me super cool pants
8. the bachelor
9. <3 BYC <3
10. music
11. sister smith
12. YCL meetings
13. seeing scout
14. me and allison cracking up at the fact that it's almost second semester and mrs gigliotti still doesn't know either of our names
15. sleeping in
16. chick fil a with hyrum and will
17. the forsgren family
18. family home evening
19. seeing the garcia's
20. seeing dawn conk
21. having hardly any homework
22. black men
23. getting in fake fights with kesley
24. the forsgren's
25. scout
26. kelsey
27. mikayla
28. 11:00 church
29. dawn marie caroll conk
30. rebekah
31. being pressed up against random people and screaming and watching the balloons come down and phyiscally feeling like i could do or become anything i wanted (this was at the new year's eve dance)
32. the rain
33. QL
34. yogurtland after churchball
35. being able to laugh at my own anger
36. seminary
37. getting a 90% on my bio final
38. "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar
39. being here
40. sleeping
41. CHURCHBALL
42. the thought of moving to new york with regan
43. when i forgot my teddy bear and kelsey brought him out to me
44. dawn conk
45. dr. pepper
46. doritos
47. getting a 93% on my lang final
48. snapchatting kelsey
49. seeing easter
50. the forsgren family
51. having Heavenly Father's help getting through school
52. BABYSITTING THE HUNTER'S <3 <3
53. SCONES
54. seminary
55. watching one direction on icarly
56. deleting my facebook and making a blog
57. creamed corn
58. WHEN WE HAD 10 SECONDS LEFT IN THE GAME AND WE'RE DOWN 38-37 AND SOMEONE FOULS EASTON SO HE GETS A FREE THROW AND MISSES. I AM STANDING ON MY CHAIR. SO OVERWHELMED AND OUT OF NOWHERE EASTON SHANK SCORES WITH NOT EVEN KIDDING .7 SECONDS LEFT. january 24, 2013. best day of my life
59. making churchball shirts
60. sleeping in
61. joey and jill's wedding
62. tommie's random visits
63. 100% battery
64. going to kelsey's
65. the forsgren family
66. getting snapchats of kelsey and tara
67. a relaxing bath
68. sleeping
69. chick fil a

i want you all to know how much i love you. i am so blessed to be here. i am so glad i decided to make this jar because it has given me a new perspective. i am definitely going to try it again, and i recommend you do the same.

goodnight lovelies.

Happy Birthday Dad!

today is the birthday of one of the greatest men i know. i have been so blessed to have this man's presence, knowledge, and hardwork in my home growing up. he has taught me countless things about life, school, and the gospel.

i remember as a child, not being able to fall asleep until he played the guitar and sang to me all of my favorite songs. but before every song, he asked me if i had talked to my Heavenly Father. i would always make it a point to run into my room right before him so that i could say a prayer, and be able to report to him that yes, i did speak with with my Heavenly Father. the relationship between God and I that was created from praying every night ever since i was in kindergarten is the foundation of my testimony. it is the first thing i turn to whenever i'm afraid or confused or sad. it is the best friend that never fails.

and all through middle school, he would watch Gilmore girls with me, over and over again because i was utterly obsessed. it was so much fun to share it with him, even though he definitely preferred Sons of Anarchy, who knows why.

he taught me to be selfless, although it's still a work in progress. he taught me how to manage my money (that one is definitely a lesson i need to review). he taught me that i could achieve anything with hard work.

he has an office in the back of the house, and if someone was trying to know him simply from his office, there would be too much to be able to tie together in a simple description of him. He has an elvis presley blanket (elvis's face and autograph appear on the blanket several times), along with a matching elvis poster. below that, countless numbers of photo albums filled with some of the most embarrassing pictures of my famiy and i (some of the ones posted today are from those very photo albums). below that is my favorite shelf: the more or less shrine to audrey hepburn. every movie she's ever starred in, in perfect condition and aboslutely off limits to anyone other than himself. audrey is his idol. there are many other things you would find in there, like a snake, three complete encylcopedia sets, a ridiculously large book on the mayo clinic (which he never went to or studied from), and a drawer dedicated to maps of places all over the world. he is more than well rounded.

last summer, i was flying home from utah on jetblue airlines. they have a tv on the back of everyone's chair, and the remote is on the armrests. the man next to me had his arm on my armrest, and he had unknowingly turned the brightness completely down on my tv. i couldn't see anything. so instead of asking him to move his arm, i just decided on reading a book the entire flight.

when i related this story to my dad, he looked me in the eye and said, "Shera, don't be afraid of people."

i could not put that thought down. it is obvious that people are very different, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. but what we can't seem to figure out is why we allow this to shape how we communicate with one another. we do everything we can to hide the parts of ourselves that we have decided are strange or unacceptable. we believe that everyone else is normal, and we are the weird ones. what we fail to recognize is that everyone is strange. everyone has trials. everyone needs a friend. 

i would hope, that if my arm was on someone else's armrest, they would let me know. and i have a pretty good feeling that the man who disrupted my lifetime movie, would have said the same thing. 

we don't need to be afraid of people.

and that was one of the most important lessons i have learned from my father. happy birthday dad. i love you.

i have spent many months mulling over what my first blog post should be. i was hoping to have some kind of epiphany, some profound, inspirational event in my life to occur. something that i could write about that would grab people's attention.

so there i was, waiting. and one day, working in my mom's embroidery shop, i realized exactly what i needed to write about.

living is one of the most profound things us humans have the chance to do. whether you're a multi-millionaire or begging for some change outside the movie theater, the most important thing you can do is take one more breath.

now i'm just a 16 year old girl that has lived her entire life in the same suburban town in southern California. i'm no grandmother willow, but Pocahontas is my favorite princess.

i'm exploring new things all the time. at any given moment, i can change everything about myself. and that is what living is all about. so i hope you'll join me in my not so glamorous journey of taking life one step at a time.