This is Literally Just Me Raving About my Favorite Movie that You've Probably Never Seen

Tonight was one of those nights where you watch While You Were Sleeping two times in a row because your babysitting job got cancelled and because it really is that good.

I mean I love everything about that movie and I don't have a favorite part but I do always think about how the day Lucy saves Peter's life is the same day he finally acknowledges her. And I can't stop wondering how many times he had slid his token under the window without so much as glancing in her direction, and how many times she watched him watch everything else.

I don't know I just think you should always acknowledge people. Maybe not for the usual reasons like they're going through a rough time or even because it's the right thing to do. Maybe we should just do it because what if they are secretly in love with us? I mean, I could tell you right now six different people I claim to be in love with but can't tell you anything about.

Even if Peter hadn't said Merry Christmas, Lucy still would have saved him and the story still would have unfolded the way it did. Except when she's standing at the altar admitting the truth to his family, she wouldn't have said "We hadn't even met until that day at the tracks."

And I like to think that coming full circle like that means something to the creators of the film, so it should mean something to me too, and it does.

All I'm saying is while you're dating Ashley Bartlet Bacon, you could be some Lucy's Peter Callaghan. And while you're Peter Callaghan's Lucy, you could be Lucy to Jack Callaghan too, so keep your eyes peeled and your smiles bright.

PSA

I'm not really sure how this happened but I only have one more year left in high school and I couldn't possibly be more ecstatic about it. In complete honesty, I feel zero nostalgia nor do I wish time would slow down. In fact, quite the opposite. I think about college and graduation and moving out and fun things all the time and I am scared out of my mind but in the best way.

I'm not really sure how this happened either but I'm starting out this year virtually friendless. I say this because it's true, not because I'm looking for pity. In fact, you shouldn't feel bad for me. Sure, I eat lunch in my car and I have no one to tell all my good jokes to, but I don't feel it's a very big loss at all. Ultimately, I simply lost interest. And that makes me think they never really had my interest in the first place. My teenage years are coming to a close and I love almost everyone I've met along the way but I'm also over all of them. It's a kind of senioritis that nobody talks about - when you outgrow the relationships that used to consume you entirely.

I feel it's very important to make it clear that although I may not have an immediate partner in every class and although I go to football games with my parents, I slay every single day at school. I pull into the senior parking lot blasting Piano Man with my windows down and laugh as people try not to stare. I cackle at the teacher's jokes and I wear whatever I want because I will not live my life for a bunch of kids who value their social status over their individuality. I see so many of them holding back because they're insecure over the fact that their best friend isn't sitting right next to them. I look at all the people pretending to be completely immersed in their phones because they were the first person at the lunch table. None of them have had the opportunity to wake up in the morning, and get dressed for themselves. Every day, they wait for someone else to tell them how cute or how funny they are, when they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves. I don't leave my house without telling myself that I love God and he loves me and that's why he made me way too cute for school. There is nothing more satisfying -- nothing more fulfilling -- than receiving validation from none other but yours truly.

All I'm saying is this -- once you discover how to make yourself happy, you are unstoppable.

So stop tweeting about it, drive yourself down to Trader Joe's, and buy your own damn flowers. Calm yourself down, cheer yourself up, be your own best friend. Don't wait for permission, and don't ever let your friends stop you from being who you want to be.

Most importantly, never apologize, look back, or think twice. The thoughts of self doubt will linger as long as you let them.

Dance to class. Sing to strangers. Read poetry during passing period and wear crocs everyday. I mean, for heaven's sake they're just people.

Teenager Stuff

My sister and my dog are both lying asleep next to me and I can't stop wondering about all of the things that make my life what it is. First of all I'm hungry, I want a bagel. I always want a bagel. Anyways, I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car that says: Take Care of Each Other. Which I love because I hate taking care of people and it's like a slap in the face, but in the best way. The irony in this post is that I know absolutely nothing about being a teenager at all. I've spent a lot of time with them and so far haven't liked what I've seen. I'm going through a mid life crisis at the age of 17 and if that doesn't give you a good sense of who I am then I don't know what will. Staying positive is harder than the twitter accounts say it is, especially when college is so impossible to get into and even more impossible to pay for and there's so much uncertainty in every single day that all I want to do is watch Castle and eat Mac n Cheese until it's all over and maybe even a little after that. Because it's like, people are only friends with people just to have friends, which is sad because I don't want to live my life that way. So I'm alone every day and it isn't all that bad because if you aren't afraid of being alone then there's not much else to be afraid of.

I never finished the Harry Potter series.

I stopped reading after book 4.


Also, I have a license.



I'm not happy about it.

A Homework Assignment That I Felt Was Bloggable

I have an amazing life. I am very fortunate to have all that I have without having to work too hard for it. I recognize that, and I am deeply grateful for it. However, this assignment was to look beyond that, and ponder some personal goals that I wish to accomplish in my lifetime.

I could sit here and list off exotic places I’d like to visit or people I’ve dreamed of meeting all day long. But truth be told, I do not have a well thought out bucket list. While I am a firm believer in setting and achieving goals, I think it’s most important to be present in life right now. It’s always good to have a plan, but since when do things turn out the way we expect them to?

With that being said, I did think about some major milestones I’d like to achieve. To be honest, the first thing that comes to mind is to meet Queen Latifah. As strange as it may sound, she has been an idol of mine for quite some time, and to actually see her would literally be a dream come true. Secondly, I plan on traveling as much as possible. I genuinely want to see the world. All of it. Specifically, India, Croatia, Israel, and Italy. I love geography, and I get excited every time I see a map. It’s absolutely astonishing to me that I am stuck here in my tiny corner of the world and there are so many places and people to see. Each country has different cultures and scenery and strengths. Each person has different stories and struggles and talents and maybe they’re looking at a map and wondering about everywhere else just like me. There is life outside of this suburban town, and nothing is more comforting to me.

Other than that, I think the rest of my goals are the simple things. I’d like to make my parents proud. I’d like to be able to find the good in others and in myself. I’d like to break all my bad habits, like biting my nails and oversleeping. I’d like to be able to forgive others and release all my bitterness. I’d like to make sure that I treat the AT&T workers and the grocery store clerks and telemarketers with respect and understanding (someone has to, right?).

Like I said, these are all small and maybe superficial requests on top of the life that I’ve already been blessed to have. My only main goal that I am absolutely determined to achieve is happiness. And I think, so far, I’m on the right track.

don't say i didn't warn you

Are you ever so aware of how terribly incorrigible you are that you can't help but laugh? Sometimes when I hear songs about people that have been wronged and are really pissed about it (i.e. Demi Lovato's "I Really Don't Care". Clearly, she really does care quite a bit.), I think about several people who could be listening to that song at precisely the same time. The only difference is that they're probably spitting the words and thinking about me and I'm quietly singing along and sort of giggling. Not that being cruel gives me joy, because it doesn't. I'm not evil. I've just learned to laugh at my flaws. Sometimes I say and do really awful things, even to people I like, without offering much more than a shrug in place of an apology. You know all those girls that always complain about 'I hate putting in 110%, and only getting like 20% back' first of all, that doesn't make any sense. Second of all, they probably don't like you and that's why you're getting some weird, irrational percentage. Anyways, I'm usually putting in the 20% except it's not because I don't like them. I do it to my friends all the time and some get touchy but most just get over it. I'm starting to laugh because I'm acting like I'm this huge hotshot that everyone wants to be their friend when the truth is that probably no one cares if I feel like hanging out with them or not. Regardless, if you want to be my friend then I guess you'll feel that way whether it's reciprocated or not, so by all means, try.

I dare you.

only as young as the minute is

before i begin, you should know that i am currently in an intense Lorde phase, hense the title, and probably several references throughout this post.
in 29 minutes, one of my best friends will be 17. she had been begging us all week to do something totally crazy on her last night of being 16. so naturally, we come up with the idea of playing clue because that game is as close as we'll get to anything scandalous. i decided that that wasn't enough because we're only as young as the minute is and what about when she's 61 and she's looking back thinking i can't believe i was in bed by 8:30 every night as a teenager (this is a real thing. once it hits nine o clock on a week night she cannot keep her eyes open) and all i wanted was for her to have something to chuckle about when she looks in the mirror and for the first time notices creases around her eyes. I wanted her to remember that she was young once and she loved it. So, we grabbed some blankets and a box of wheat thins and the four of us took off down the street, ignoring every complaint she had because this is adventure - and I knew she'd thank me later.
the road there was short and filled with made up scenarios about what would happen if we got chased down. this is what we decided:
1) i would fight them off because i am a 94 pound weight lifting champion that spends 100% of my free time breaking records at the gym.
and if that didn't work:
2) we run for our lives and have a damn good story to tell.

i spent the night sitting on a dark golf course with my best friends telling secrets and being young.

until the sprinkler's came on. all three of them bolted while i stayed behind and gathered up everyone's things (i don't think i will ever outgrow my turtle nickname) and by the time we reached the end of the hill we were crying with laughter because the sprinklers were going the opposite direction of where we were sitting and none of us, not even me, had a single drop of water on them. also, it was just like troy and gabriella in high school musical 2, except none of us are in love with a basketball star with self identity issues.

they thanked me.

we ended the night playing Never-Have-I-Ever (coca-cola, of course) and making fun of everyone we hate.

As the birthday girl was leaving, i asked her how she felt and she said afraid. "it's just so crazy to think that by this time next year, i could be in hawaii, at byu. or idaho. or even here."

i reminded her that she could also be in none of those places. who knows, maybe she'll be in heaven.
followed up with, "but at least we had tonight"