don't say i didn't warn you

Are you ever so aware of how terribly incorrigible you are that you can't help but laugh? Sometimes when I hear songs about people that have been wronged and are really pissed about it (i.e. Demi Lovato's "I Really Don't Care". Clearly, she really does care quite a bit.), I think about several people who could be listening to that song at precisely the same time. The only difference is that they're probably spitting the words and thinking about me and I'm quietly singing along and sort of giggling. Not that being cruel gives me joy, because it doesn't. I'm not evil. I've just learned to laugh at my flaws. Sometimes I say and do really awful things, even to people I like, without offering much more than a shrug in place of an apology. You know all those girls that always complain about 'I hate putting in 110%, and only getting like 20% back' first of all, that doesn't make any sense. Second of all, they probably don't like you and that's why you're getting some weird, irrational percentage. Anyways, I'm usually putting in the 20% except it's not because I don't like them. I do it to my friends all the time and some get touchy but most just get over it. I'm starting to laugh because I'm acting like I'm this huge hotshot that everyone wants to be their friend when the truth is that probably no one cares if I feel like hanging out with them or not. Regardless, if you want to be my friend then I guess you'll feel that way whether it's reciprocated or not, so by all means, try.

I dare you.

only as young as the minute is

before i begin, you should know that i am currently in an intense Lorde phase, hense the title, and probably several references throughout this post.
in 29 minutes, one of my best friends will be 17. she had been begging us all week to do something totally crazy on her last night of being 16. so naturally, we come up with the idea of playing clue because that game is as close as we'll get to anything scandalous. i decided that that wasn't enough because we're only as young as the minute is and what about when she's 61 and she's looking back thinking i can't believe i was in bed by 8:30 every night as a teenager (this is a real thing. once it hits nine o clock on a week night she cannot keep her eyes open) and all i wanted was for her to have something to chuckle about when she looks in the mirror and for the first time notices creases around her eyes. I wanted her to remember that she was young once and she loved it. So, we grabbed some blankets and a box of wheat thins and the four of us took off down the street, ignoring every complaint she had because this is adventure - and I knew she'd thank me later.
the road there was short and filled with made up scenarios about what would happen if we got chased down. this is what we decided:
1) i would fight them off because i am a 94 pound weight lifting champion that spends 100% of my free time breaking records at the gym.
and if that didn't work:
2) we run for our lives and have a damn good story to tell.

i spent the night sitting on a dark golf course with my best friends telling secrets and being young.

until the sprinkler's came on. all three of them bolted while i stayed behind and gathered up everyone's things (i don't think i will ever outgrow my turtle nickname) and by the time we reached the end of the hill we were crying with laughter because the sprinklers were going the opposite direction of where we were sitting and none of us, not even me, had a single drop of water on them. also, it was just like troy and gabriella in high school musical 2, except none of us are in love with a basketball star with self identity issues.

they thanked me.

we ended the night playing Never-Have-I-Ever (coca-cola, of course) and making fun of everyone we hate.

As the birthday girl was leaving, i asked her how she felt and she said afraid. "it's just so crazy to think that by this time next year, i could be in hawaii, at byu. or idaho. or even here."

i reminded her that she could also be in none of those places. who knows, maybe she'll be in heaven.
followed up with, "but at least we had tonight"

Often times when I think of my life fifteen years from now, I think of Jennifer Lopez in the Wedding Planner pre Matthew McConaughey. Coming home after a long day of making people happy to a perfectly well lit apartment - exactly how I left it. Everything in its place. I can't seem to shake the picture of her grabbing a step ladder so she could dust off all the places that no one will ever see, like the refridgerator or the tops of the windows, and then settling down to a nice tv dinner.

I could probably have my life exactly how it should be. But I don't want that. I want to be able to come home after a hard day and be pissed off because someone has been drawing on the walls again and the dishes still aren't done and I'm wishing that I was Jennifer Lopez in that opening scene and didn't have to worry about any of this. But I would worry. I would worry because a doctor who can't seem to comb his hair saved my shoe and I from getting flattened by a dumpster, and he's the reason I can only eat the brown m&m's even though his theory about them being the only ones that aren't artificially colored is completely incorrect. I would worry because even though I might want out at times, that's what I signed up for when I let the tops of the windowsills collect dust and ditched my lean cuisine for chicken nuggets.

But all of that seems so distant and foggy. The images come in segments like a dream, and I can't see faces, just the backs of people's heads and then I realize that the whole thing is just my imagination. I need to stop thinking about it and convince myself and everyone else that that's not what I want at all, in order to save face on the day that I'm 31 and wearing earth-tone blazers with all of my outfits. 

And I laugh and ask people why they would want to share their bed with someone for the rest of their life because every Harry Potter fan knows that the way to conquer your fears is to turn them into something funny. But sometimes I worry that even a Patronus charm might not fix me.

life in the fab lane (minus kimora lee simmons)

I'm back!

Okay so I never really left. But, you guys, my life is so boring. I did write something totally shameful before school started that was just a lot of pictures that I didn't think anyone cared about so I took it down. Which is totally against my policy, but it's my policy right?

If you're ever confused on here, sorry(not really). i'm not going to change anything, so either stumble through with me(because sometimes i confuse myself, too), or read something that actually makes sense. i'm not sure which is more frustrating. 

i don't really have a plan about what i'm writing as of right now, but i'm sure something will come to me. Because it's either this or do my math homework and I don't really see any competition there.

Math class isn't all boring. Sometimes I get bored of writing lyrics to whatever obnoxious tune is in my head all over my homework(I think one time instead of Shera Brady, I put 'Nicki Minaj I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up' as my name), I write letters to my future self. This is so much fun. I'll share some with you.

9/16/13
hey you.
how's life? guess what happened this morning. mom wouldn't let me drive to school again for the billionth time. i got mad, but i can never yell at her because i would feel bad and i end up crying when i'm not sad and we just can't have that. also, my socks have Biggie Smalls on them.

i'm wearing a shirt that says 'bad dreams are made of me' and mrs. ward told me it was really dark. i replied with 'i know. it's black.' she thought that was funny. i guess i do too, but i didn't mean for it to be.

can i just say: IF YOU ARE A BOY AND YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TOOL, WEAR A TANKTOP EVERY SINGLE DAY. I PROMISE YOU, IT WORKS.

9/24/13
i didn't do the math homework last night. i mostly spend my afternoons switching off between listening to the beach boys and crying(i do that a lot, can't say why). interspersed between those are feelings of guilt for not doing the homework, but that all goes away when i finally fall asleep. my favorite part of the day is when i've finished reading my scriptures and i put my pillow flat on the bed, lift up covers and slide through and then all at once my whole body collapses into the bed and i can literally feel all of my aches lifting out of my body and i can finally breathe. i think the emotional version of this feeling is when we are forgiven of something that we are not proud of.(add this to the list of reasons of why i love being mormon).
so it turns out i'm never going to college. since when did all my favorite schools cost 20,000 dollars more than what i wanted? whatever. i don't eat too good, so maybe i'll die before i graduate college and none of it will matter.

so am i like the single most dramatic teenager you've ever met? probably not. but that's the funny part. i wasn't planning on sharing this with you. but i did and so what?

this is my favorite part of being me/mary poppins - i never have to explain myself.

things that make me happy

on January 1, 2013, i started a 'happy jar'. i wrote down every single thing that made me happy everyday. it only lasted about a month and a half, but it was a really great month and a half. i took the jar down tonight because i was upset, and i was immediately overwhelmed at how blessed i am. i laughed, i cried, and i realized how much i really missed a few of people. it is absolutely astonishing how much things can change in just a matter of months. i picked out 69(i swear that was NOT on purpose.) of them that i feel mention people and things that have really shaped me and made me who i am. i left quite a few personal ones, but i saved these so that i could share them with all of you. they are all written on here exactly how i wrote them on the paper. many of them are repeated. i will also repeat them on here.

no order, just how i pulled them out.

1. dawn freaking conk
2. kelsey
3. tierra
4. my decision to celebrate chinese new year
5. BABYSITTING THE HUNTER'S
6. the scriptures
7. tanne randomly buying me super cool pants
8. the bachelor
9. <3 BYC <3
10. music
11. sister smith
12. YCL meetings
13. seeing scout
14. me and allison cracking up at the fact that it's almost second semester and mrs gigliotti still doesn't know either of our names
15. sleeping in
16. chick fil a with hyrum and will
17. the forsgren family
18. family home evening
19. seeing the garcia's
20. seeing dawn conk
21. having hardly any homework
22. black men
23. getting in fake fights with kesley
24. the forsgren's
25. scout
26. kelsey
27. mikayla
28. 11:00 church
29. dawn marie caroll conk
30. rebekah
31. being pressed up against random people and screaming and watching the balloons come down and phyiscally feeling like i could do or become anything i wanted (this was at the new year's eve dance)
32. the rain
33. QL
34. yogurtland after churchball
35. being able to laugh at my own anger
36. seminary
37. getting a 90% on my bio final
38. "All I Want Is You" by Barry Louis Polisar
39. being here
40. sleeping
41. CHURCHBALL
42. the thought of moving to new york with regan
43. when i forgot my teddy bear and kelsey brought him out to me
44. dawn conk
45. dr. pepper
46. doritos
47. getting a 93% on my lang final
48. snapchatting kelsey
49. seeing easter
50. the forsgren family
51. having Heavenly Father's help getting through school
52. BABYSITTING THE HUNTER'S <3 <3
53. SCONES
54. seminary
55. watching one direction on icarly
56. deleting my facebook and making a blog
57. creamed corn
58. WHEN WE HAD 10 SECONDS LEFT IN THE GAME AND WE'RE DOWN 38-37 AND SOMEONE FOULS EASTON SO HE GETS A FREE THROW AND MISSES. I AM STANDING ON MY CHAIR. SO OVERWHELMED AND OUT OF NOWHERE EASTON SHANK SCORES WITH NOT EVEN KIDDING .7 SECONDS LEFT. january 24, 2013. best day of my life
59. making churchball shirts
60. sleeping in
61. joey and jill's wedding
62. tommie's random visits
63. 100% battery
64. going to kelsey's
65. the forsgren family
66. getting snapchats of kelsey and tara
67. a relaxing bath
68. sleeping
69. chick fil a

i want you all to know how much i love you. i am so blessed to be here. i am so glad i decided to make this jar because it has given me a new perspective. i am definitely going to try it again, and i recommend you do the same.

goodnight lovelies.

Happy Birthday Dad!

today is the birthday of one of the greatest men i know. i have been so blessed to have this man's presence, knowledge, and hardwork in my home growing up. he has taught me countless things about life, school, and the gospel.

i remember as a child, not being able to fall asleep until he played the guitar and sang to me all of my favorite songs. but before every song, he asked me if i had talked to my Heavenly Father. i would always make it a point to run into my room right before him so that i could say a prayer, and be able to report to him that yes, i did speak with with my Heavenly Father. the relationship between God and I that was created from praying every night ever since i was in kindergarten is the foundation of my testimony. it is the first thing i turn to whenever i'm afraid or confused or sad. it is the best friend that never fails.

and all through middle school, he would watch Gilmore girls with me, over and over again because i was utterly obsessed. it was so much fun to share it with him, even though he definitely preferred Sons of Anarchy, who knows why.

he taught me to be selfless, although it's still a work in progress. he taught me how to manage my money (that one is definitely a lesson i need to review). he taught me that i could achieve anything with hard work.

he has an office in the back of the house, and if someone was trying to know him simply from his office, there would be too much to be able to tie together in a simple description of him. He has an elvis presley blanket (elvis's face and autograph appear on the blanket several times), along with a matching elvis poster. below that, countless numbers of photo albums filled with some of the most embarrassing pictures of my famiy and i (some of the ones posted today are from those very photo albums). below that is my favorite shelf: the more or less shrine to audrey hepburn. every movie she's ever starred in, in perfect condition and aboslutely off limits to anyone other than himself. audrey is his idol. there are many other things you would find in there, like a snake, three complete encylcopedia sets, a ridiculously large book on the mayo clinic (which he never went to or studied from), and a drawer dedicated to maps of places all over the world. he is more than well rounded.

last summer, i was flying home from utah on jetblue airlines. they have a tv on the back of everyone's chair, and the remote is on the armrests. the man next to me had his arm on my armrest, and he had unknowingly turned the brightness completely down on my tv. i couldn't see anything. so instead of asking him to move his arm, i just decided on reading a book the entire flight.

when i related this story to my dad, he looked me in the eye and said, "Shera, don't be afraid of people."

i could not put that thought down. it is obvious that people are very different, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. but what we can't seem to figure out is why we allow this to shape how we communicate with one another. we do everything we can to hide the parts of ourselves that we have decided are strange or unacceptable. we believe that everyone else is normal, and we are the weird ones. what we fail to recognize is that everyone is strange. everyone has trials. everyone needs a friend. 

i would hope, that if my arm was on someone else's armrest, they would let me know. and i have a pretty good feeling that the man who disrupted my lifetime movie, would have said the same thing. 

we don't need to be afraid of people.

and that was one of the most important lessons i have learned from my father. happy birthday dad. i love you.

i have spent many months mulling over what my first blog post should be. i was hoping to have some kind of epiphany, some profound, inspirational event in my life to occur. something that i could write about that would grab people's attention.

so there i was, waiting. and one day, working in my mom's embroidery shop, i realized exactly what i needed to write about.

living is one of the most profound things us humans have the chance to do. whether you're a multi-millionaire or begging for some change outside the movie theater, the most important thing you can do is take one more breath.

now i'm just a 16 year old girl that has lived her entire life in the same suburban town in southern California. i'm no grandmother willow, but Pocahontas is my favorite princess.

i'm exploring new things all the time. at any given moment, i can change everything about myself. and that is what living is all about. so i hope you'll join me in my not so glamorous journey of taking life one step at a time.