Adult Things I've Done Since March 22, 2015 So That You Don't Feel Worried About My Last Post:

1. Got a job. Won't tell you where, but it's a very legit job. The government takes out taxes and everything. I even have a dress code.
2. Drove on the freeway...all by myself. Only pulled over and cried once.
3. Ate at a restaurant whose name I couldn't pronounce.
4. Considered creating a 'Recipe' Pinterest board.
5. Actually did my homework. Before dinnertime, even.
6. Said 'things of that nature' in perfect context and meant it.
7. Realized I'd made/reconnected with several old friends and this isn't an adult thing but I'm still very proud.
8. Went an entire five days without television. This wasn't a lent thing. I was legitimately too busy.

Sometimes, you think you can conquer the world and sometimes you spend so much time in the school parking lot trying to tell yourself you can afford to ditch again that by the time you stop lying to yourself and go to class you're already five minutes late and that's a Saturday school anyway.

For the life of me I don't know how to roller blade or whistle or even put a fitted sheet on my bed but somehow I'm working two jobs, getting ready for AP exams, spending endless hours doing church stuff and always squeezing in Once Upon a Time Sunday nights at 8. You learn how to juggle it all because you have to, and once you get the hang of it, it's kind of fun.

So, here's to growing up and getting over it in hopes that one day we can afford bimonthly manicures and spotify premium.

A Journal Entry from March 22, 2015

i'm trying to be happy with who I am. but i'm reading nicki minaj articles instead of hamlet and i'm telling my friends to retweet a picture of my face that took me two hours to decide to post and i'm lying to my mom and it's getting easier to skip church and I just feel so yucky because I didn't have dinner and i'm thinking that maybe if I chop off my hair it'll take some of my emotional baggage with it. i'm so hungry I could puke. I want a friend. that's all I really want. come study Shakespeare with me. bring a pizza and let's crack it open, you know? I think i'm in love with the idea of someone I've never met and don't plan on ever meeting, and I think that's why i'm in love with them. they're not real. that's the best part. they don't exist any place else except my head, and that's where they'll stay: trapped, just like me. because I wake up every morning and I regret it. as the day goes on I lose a little bit of myself and by the time I crawl back into bed i'm thinking of all the things I didn't do, of all the time I've wasted, of all the people that aren't thinking about me and i'm biting my nails until they're sore and i'm trying to remember all the nice things people said to me, because there have been many, but they all blend together and nothing stands out because none of it ever meant anything to me. I never cared what anyone said because I never really cared about them and it turns out that I am in fact the cold, heartless bitch I claim to be. and people say it's easier, but let me tell you, it's not. God makes sure of that. the lack of emotion or feelings is so vast and endless that it hovers over my Grinch sized heart and with each feeling I've lost, the emptiness expands, and now I think I am jus a hollowed out teenage girl who hasn't lived enough of a life to sustain her through adulthood.

"Ghost of Corporate Future" --Regina Spektor

If you don't know who Regina Spektor is, you should. If you don't like her, that's okay. I will disagree, but I won't be angry.

"And people make you nervous,
You think the world is ending,
And everyone's features have somehow started blending,
And everything is plastic,
And everyone's sarcastic,
And all your food is frozen,
It needs to be defrosted.

Well maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee
And never ever watch the ten o clock news.
And maybe you should kiss someone nice,
Or lick a rock,
Or both.

Maybe you should cut your own hair,
Cause that can be so funny.
It doesn't cost any money.
And it always grows back,
Hair grows even after your dead.

And people are just people,
They shouldn't make you nervous.
The world is everlasting,
It's coming and it's going.
If you don't toss your plastic,
The streets won't be so plastic,
And if you kiss somebody,
Then both of you'll get practice."


So, here's to the kids who are using the steering wheel as a drum set and haven't eaten a home cooked meal in almost a month -- we're doing it.