PSA

I'm not really sure how this happened but I only have one more year left in high school and I couldn't possibly be more ecstatic about it. In complete honesty, I feel zero nostalgia nor do I wish time would slow down. In fact, quite the opposite. I think about college and graduation and moving out and fun things all the time and I am scared out of my mind but in the best way.

I'm not really sure how this happened either but I'm starting out this year virtually friendless. I say this because it's true, not because I'm looking for pity. In fact, you shouldn't feel bad for me. Sure, I eat lunch in my car and I have no one to tell all my good jokes to, but I don't feel it's a very big loss at all. Ultimately, I simply lost interest. And that makes me think they never really had my interest in the first place. My teenage years are coming to a close and I love almost everyone I've met along the way but I'm also over all of them. It's a kind of senioritis that nobody talks about - when you outgrow the relationships that used to consume you entirely.

I feel it's very important to make it clear that although I may not have an immediate partner in every class and although I go to football games with my parents, I slay every single day at school. I pull into the senior parking lot blasting Piano Man with my windows down and laugh as people try not to stare. I cackle at the teacher's jokes and I wear whatever I want because I will not live my life for a bunch of kids who value their social status over their individuality. I see so many of them holding back because they're insecure over the fact that their best friend isn't sitting right next to them. I look at all the people pretending to be completely immersed in their phones because they were the first person at the lunch table. None of them have had the opportunity to wake up in the morning, and get dressed for themselves. Every day, they wait for someone else to tell them how cute or how funny they are, when they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves. I don't leave my house without telling myself that I love God and he loves me and that's why he made me way too cute for school. There is nothing more satisfying -- nothing more fulfilling -- than receiving validation from none other but yours truly.

All I'm saying is this -- once you discover how to make yourself happy, you are unstoppable.

So stop tweeting about it, drive yourself down to Trader Joe's, and buy your own damn flowers. Calm yourself down, cheer yourself up, be your own best friend. Don't wait for permission, and don't ever let your friends stop you from being who you want to be.

Most importantly, never apologize, look back, or think twice. The thoughts of self doubt will linger as long as you let them.

Dance to class. Sing to strangers. Read poetry during passing period and wear crocs everyday. I mean, for heaven's sake they're just people.

Teenager Stuff

My sister and my dog are both lying asleep next to me and I can't stop wondering about all of the things that make my life what it is. First of all I'm hungry, I want a bagel. I always want a bagel. Anyways, I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car that says: Take Care of Each Other. Which I love because I hate taking care of people and it's like a slap in the face, but in the best way. The irony in this post is that I know absolutely nothing about being a teenager at all. I've spent a lot of time with them and so far haven't liked what I've seen. I'm going through a mid life crisis at the age of 17 and if that doesn't give you a good sense of who I am then I don't know what will. Staying positive is harder than the twitter accounts say it is, especially when college is so impossible to get into and even more impossible to pay for and there's so much uncertainty in every single day that all I want to do is watch Castle and eat Mac n Cheese until it's all over and maybe even a little after that. Because it's like, people are only friends with people just to have friends, which is sad because I don't want to live my life that way. So I'm alone every day and it isn't all that bad because if you aren't afraid of being alone then there's not much else to be afraid of.